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May Tutor/ Mentor Tips - Mentor Rap?
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Started this discussion. Last reply by Daniel Bassill May 2.
Profile
- Hometown:
- Amelia Island, Fl - formerly from Chicago
- About Me:
- After practicing as a psychotherapist for over 15 years, I have transitioned to writing and consulting/coaching. I want to take what I have learned as a therapist and share it in different and more far reaching ways. My interests include diversity, literacy and women's issues. I write a montly coaching column for tutors on ning with a focus on the psychology of learning. My goal is to get this information to as many communities as possible.
- Website:
- http://www.simplyputtogether.com
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Slow Dowwwwwnn……..
Maria Murphy
Hi everyone! Here is my August Mentor Tip. Enjoy and pass it on. Got a tip or tool that works with the kids you are helping? Share it here!
One of the best gifts we can give the kids we are working with is teaching impulse control. Allow me to explain. Just the other day, I was watching an old episode of Family Feud. Yes, it is still on and please don’t ask why I was watching. But here’s the thing. This family member shouted out the answer before the question was finished. Sadly, she gave the wrong answer because she didn’t hear the whole question. The other team got the chance to have their turn and took the victory.
What do teachers complain about with their students? Issues like racing through tests, not reading the question correctly or even not checking work are high on the list. But what’s a mentor to do?
Let’s think about this. Slow down. Listen to the problem. Take your time to deal with it. Check your work. Forget algebra! That sounds like a good idea in any situation. Here is a quick and easy tool to help you help your student get there!
SLOW
S – Stop. Stop and recognize that you need to pay attention to the problem at hand.
L – Listen. Listen to the problem. Read or look at it carefully and figure out what it is asking you.
O- Options. What are your options? Pick the best choice. Always remember to cross off the crazy choices right away. They are not worth your energy!
W- Workwise. Be wise about your work. Always check your work for any errors or misunderstandings.
We can teach our kids these tools as we work side-by-side with them. We can teach them by example, by talking them through SLOW or even writing it down. If we can get our kids to grab onto these tools, they will have great strategies to use in the classroom, with homework and with life decisions.
Have fun and remember to believe in your every contribution!
Please feel free to go to http://tutormentorconnection.com to discuss this article.
Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for Tutor/Mentor Connection and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. Other mentoring articles can be found on her blog column at http://www.simplyputtogether.com.
Here is my May Tutor Mentor Tip. Hope all are well and continuing to enjoy the incredible work that you do!
Maria
May Tutor/Mentor Tip:
Mentor Rap?
By Maria Murphy
“Break it down” - MC Hammer
For anyone who knows who MC Hammer is, you may be wondering why one of the first mainstream rap singer’s lyrics are in an article about mentoring and tutoring kids. Good question. But I have to say, that the words, “break it down,” from Hammer’s famous “You can’t touch this,” keep reverberating in my ears.
Lyric lore claims the phrase means either, to dance wildly, or break down the dance steps. Either way, the words do stick. And, I believe, they are relevant to mentoring. I have been thinking about barriers to kids and teens. There are two enormous barriers to their success listed below, for both of which I think MC Hammer can offer a bit of guidance
.
Not understanding the task at hand.
It’s so easy for us to assume kids know all the steps it takes to complete a task. But multiplication, for instance, is not that simple. It’s remembering how to stack the numbers and which side to start multiplying from and when to add. It’s several very different and seemingly unrelated steps. Let’s face it, even a simple task like making your bed is many steps attached together. Without direction, a bit of demonstration and follow up, even a bed can end up looking kind of tragic. Watch your student carefully and assess if they know the steps they need. Be careful not to assume. Kids are good fakers. They are aware of what they “should” know and many have learned to survive by covering up. By evaluating what they know, you see exactly what their needs may be.
Feeling overwhelmed.
Some kids may have the skill set to perform tasks, but emotionally are blocked because of being overwhelmed. Appraise the situation. Observe their capability and proficiency and measure it against actual performance. As adults, we know the impact that being overwhelmed can have on our productivity. Even when we know how to do something, feeling overwhelmed can stop us in our tracks. Same goes for the kids we are helping.
Good news.
Once you evaluate your student’s barriers, MC Hammer has the answer. “Break it down.” It’s as easy as teaching a skill in small steps or teaching the ability to break down tasks so they are not overwhelming. Hammer’s got it. See where your student is coming from and then “break it down.” When I say “break it down,” that also means show them. Hammer demonstrates his famous dance moves on his music videos. Demonstrate your own “one step at a time” moves for your student. Demonstrate the steps over and over till they get it. If, instead, they are overwhelmed by all they have to do, show them your step-by-step moves to break it down and get it done.
Have fun, and remember, just like teaching dance moves, once you know what your student needs, you can “break it down” and instruct them step-by-step how to make the changes they need to succeed.
Please feel free to go to http://tutormentorconnection.com to discuss this article.
Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for Tutor/Mentor Connection and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. Other mentoring articles can be found on her blog column at http://www.simplyputtogether.com .
If you do the same with your page, you can profile programs in Florida and that will connect them to us in Chicago and others in other cities and countries.
By Maria Murphy
Most of us are familiar by now with terms like “internal dialogue” and “self talk.” You know what I mean, that voice in our heads. Sadly, most of us learn from a very young age, how to “do a number” on ourselves in our heads. I am talking about comments like, “you’re never gonna get this,” “what’s wrong with you,” and “everyone else knows this but you.”
This kind of thought pattern doesn’t start when we become adults. It’s usually rooted by the time we are knee deep in adolescence, and probably a lot earlier than that. How we use self talk is extremely important. It’s easy to fall into patterns of unkind dialogue with ourselves. Our students are equally vulnerable. This is all the more reason to teach them to talk kindly to themselves while they are still young.
There is a fabulous “self talk” tool I have used over the years that is simple, yet so powerful. I call it, “being the voice in their heads.” This is how it works. While your student is working through a problem, you, in a very hushed tone, talk to them. And it goes something like this. “That’s it.” “Good.” “You got it.” “Not quite. Okay, there you go.” “Good. Good. You got it.”
Sound strange? Well, I thought so, too, the first time I tried it. I was mentoring a student who was a slow reader and I was desperate to help and not getting anywhere. I thought that kind of dialogue would drive the student nuts. I mean, how can anyone concentrate when I am jabbering this dribble? But I trusted my instincts anyway and the child started improving at a faster rate. When we were done, she was reading above grade level. I used to think this tool would only work while mentoring academics with kids, especially kids with disabilities or deficits. Then I started using it more. It didn’t matter who I was working with, or what was being learned, kids were doing well and seemed to like it. Kids would admit, “It feels good when you say that.”
It took a long time for me to realize what was really happening. My voice was drowning out their negative self talk. They couldn’t concentrate on what they were doing, criticize themselves and listen to me. So, being that I am a bit of a motor mouth, the negative talk in their heads was washed out.
When you practice this, you are doing three things. First, you are cutting down any negative talk for your student. This is a feat in itself. Second, you are modeling strong internal dialogue. You are teaching them how to talk themselves through a difficult spot in a positive way. Finally, if you do this with consistency, you will become the voice in their heads. When they are on their own, working through a problem, your voice will resonate in their heads….and they will be strengthened.
So, consider practicing being the voice in your student's head. Offer a steady whisper of support as they press toward their future. You can be their voice, until they find their own voice of support.
Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for Tutor/Mentor Connection and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. Other mentoring articles can be found on her blog column at http://www.simplyputtogether.com
Hope you enjoy my mentoring tip for the month! This is a great tool for enhancing your relationship with your student!
Maria
February Mentor Tip of the Month
The Power of Active Listening
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey
I’m sorry…what was that quote? It’s pretty funny actually. Not to mention, pretty telling. Listening is tough business. I mean REALLY listening. It’s something we all look for, but often are challenged to be able to give to others. When I practiced as a therapist, people would ask me all the time, “How do you remember that about me?” Well, every therapist knows, it’s not as magical as it appears. It is simply “active” listening. That means you are concentrating your attention completely on the other person, not the dry cleaning or your next meeting or “what I want to say back.”
Active listening is not too hard, it just takes practice. When you are working with your student, this is an incredible tool. Concentrate on what your student is telling you. If you find yourself getting distracted, just pull yourself back into the conversation. A great tool for working your “active listening” muscle is the “recap.” All you do is “recap” what the other person just told you, in your own words. For instance, “I am sick of math. It’s stupid.” “You are so tired of math right now.” This sounds like elementary communication, but I can tell you, there is nothing in this world that feels quite the same as someone looking you in the eye and “getting you.” That is powerful.
Good luck and have fun practicing active listening and recapping with your student.
Please feel free to go to http://www.tutormentorconnection.org or comment here to discuss this article.
Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for this site and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. The full article can be found on her blog column at http://simplyputtogether.blogspot.com/
From Compliment to Confidence
I can live for two months on a good compliment. - Mark Twain
Look for the opportunity to find a strength of your student and share it with them! Not just once, make this a campaign. Your student will feel good if you accurately point out one of their strengths, but Mark Twain is right. A couple of months is nice, but what if you picked a strength and re-enforced it with your student? You move your student from getting a compliment to developing a stronger sense of self. Think of how far your student will go when you turn this, “You stuck with it until you understood that math problem,” to this, “You always hang in there and stick with the problem until you figure it out. You are a diligent person.” Compliments can turn into internal confidence if you deliver them with consistency! Have fun, find your student’s strength and deliver it to them until it becomes a part of their identity!
Please feel free to go to http://www.tutormentorconnection.org or comment here to discuss this article.
Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for this site and Tutor/Mentor Connection and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. The full article can be found on her blog column at www.simplyputtogether.com.